Annoying to abusive, co-workers, bosses can be a pain
Most of us have or will contend with people in our lives who are egotistical, arrogant or narcissistic. Dealing with them is challenging. How you deal with them depends on the relationship. Is the person a co-worker, boss, spouse, friend, child, client or customer? The traits may be the same, but contending with them successfully may vary.
These are all personality traits that can be annoying and frustrating, at best. They are often quick to judge, criticize, ridicule and some are emotionally abusive. They specialize in making others feel inferior by boosting their own fragile ego to make themselves feel better. It may vary from men and women who think too highly of themselves and have little regard for others to the extreme person with the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You should know the personality type and identify the expressions that differentiate a healthy self-esteem from egomaniacs.
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The negative traits evident in a work environment are:
- Demonstration of a lack of empathy for how others feel or what they need.
- An overly excessive focus on seeking for others to consistently validate them on accomplishments.
- Lack of ability or desire to see things any other way than their own.
- Unreasonable sense of entitlement and over-exaggerated feelings of self-importance.
From the least to most toxic, there are at least five different types you may encounter:
- Know-it-all — Always eager to give their opinion, even when unsolicited. Know more than anyone else on multiple subjects. Consider themselves to be smarter and more insightful than anyone else.
- Grandiose — Feel more important and influential than anyone else. Brag and exaggerate their own importance. Wants everyone’s admiration.
- Seductive — Will utilize techniques and manipulation with the motive of using people for their own interests.
- Bullying — Brutal in asserting superiority. Build themselves up by humiliating others. Belittle other people’s work, making others feel like losers in order to prove themselves to be the winners.
- Vindictive — Out to destroy others. Will trash talk you to all who will listen, including the boss in an effort to sabotage your work and reputation.
Coping with these types varies from maintaining a sense of humor to co-exist to discontinuing your relationship altogether. If it is a boss/employee relationship, it may require leaving your job. If it is a husband/wife relationship, it may necessitate separation or divorce in the extreme long-term abuse situations.
Challenging these people will often result in escalation of their efforts to feel superior. Recognize they may discard you at the drop of the hat with no second thoughts. Don’t be swayed by insincere flattery or excessive admiration. There is always an ulterior motive. If you find yourself in a situation with no alternatives, choosing to avoid ruffling the feathers of a massive ego may be the best, at least temporary, coping mechanism. When you find you can’t bear it anymore in a job situation transfer out, resign, look for another job. It gets more complicated in marriage. Always remember: There are options. Reach out to someone who can help. Professional counseling and advice may be needed.
Remember to take care of yourself. Do whatever is necessary to avoid depression or blaming yourself. You may experience physical problems like headaches and upset stomach. Don’t allow self doubt or anger to take over. Understand any praise or appreciation will not be happening from a boss who wants all the credit and glory. Don’t take all the words and actions personally. It doesn’t have to do with you. It is all about that person. Accept there is no way to change the person. If you can’t find ways to successfully cope with the situation, plan your exit.
Remember, in the workplace, the narcissist may seem like a superstar, have great ideas, may be a workaholic and have high expectations. When you get to know them better, you discover they are all about individual glory and will step on whomever they need to in order to get ahead. They are often perfectionists. It is “my way or the highway.” The highway may be a welcome, smoother path out of a bad situation.
Contact Becky Vaughn-Furlow at bvaughnfurlow@gmail.com.